Definition
We feel contempt when we look down on someone whose actions or character are counter to our values.
>> Why We Have This Emotion
Contempt signals that someone is breaking norms or that they aren't worth our time, so we steer clear. Inside, it shuts down empathy, making it easier for us to disengage.
◈ How It Shows Up
“they're beneath me”One-sided smirk, eye rollVoice goes icy-dryPulls rank, dismissesKeeps distance, looks down
◎ What to do in the moment
Good Ideas
- Separate behavior from the person
- Ask, “which value feels violated?”
- Verify facts to separate out rumors
- Set boundaries for their behavior
- Look for a point of shared humanity
- Choose where to invest your energy
- Limit contact if you feel unsafe
Bad Ideas
- Label them as “less than human”
- Judge them by their worst moment
- Shame or humiliate them publicly
- Harass, dox, or threaten them
- Reject nuance, context, or change
- Justify cruelty since they “deserve it”
- Refuse to simply disengage