Definition
We feel a sense of cringe when we feel embarrassed for someone else, even if they don't feel it themselves.
>> Why We Have This Emotion
Cringe is a secondhand social alarm. Watching someone else get it wrong activates the same discomfort as getting it wrong yourself. Cringe is how we absorb social lessons without paying the full price of the lesson.
◈ How It Shows Up
Watching through your fingersOh no. Oh no no noPhysical squirm, needing to look awayFeeling hot and flushed on their behalfNervous laughter to release the tension
◎ What to do in the moment
Good Ideas
- Let yourself look away — the cringe is doing its job
- Laugh with them if they're in on it
- Check whether they actually need help or are fine
- Let it pass — their reputation is theirs to manage
- Use it as a signal about which norms feel important to you
Bad Ideas
- Intervene when they didn't ask you to
- Make their moment about your discomfort
- Replay it obsessively on their behalf
- Mock them to others to discharge the feeling
- Assume they feel as bad as you do