Definition
We feel cruel when we recognize ourselves causing unnecessary harm or enjoying another’s suffering.
>> Why We Have This Emotion
Cruelty is a mean way to show that we have power over others. The cold “I don't care” feeling makes it easier to ignore people’s feelings. Cruelty destroys trust and breaks apart groups of friends.
◈ How It Shows Up
“They deserve this”Enjoying others’ discomfortDehumanizing, mocking, belittlingIntentionally crossing boundariesUrges to punish or plot payback
◎ What to do in the moment
Good Ideas
- Verify their intent, don't assume
- Take a pause before engaging
- Humanize the other person
- Write, but don't send your message
- Focus on the boundary, not the harm
- Perform a small act of compassion
Bad Ideas
- Send hurtful messages
- Humiliate someone publicly
- Spread rumors about someone
- Share someone’s private information
- Retaliate while you're still angry
- Justify cruelty as tough love
- “Teach someone a lesson”