Definition
We feel hate toward someone when our feelings stop being about what they did and start being about what they are.
>> Why We Have This Emotion
Hate consolidates a threat into a fixed identity. Where anger reacts to what someone did, hate condemns what someone is. It's efficient, but almost impossible to revise once it forms.
◈ How It Shows Up
“They disgust me”Cold glare, stiff jawFantasizes harm or ruinDehumanizing labelsAvoids or attacks
◎ What to do in the moment
Good Ideas
- Step back from contact for now
- Focus on their actions, not identity
- Humanize the target of your feelings
- Limit consumption of outrage feeds
- Redirect energy to prosocial goals
- Set clear boundaries, go no-contact
- Reassess and update over time
Bad Ideas
- Dehumanize them or their group
- Use violence or damage as payback
- Spread lies to incite others to act
- Obsess over their every move or post
- Ruminate on their wrongdoings
- Let your strong emotions justify breaking your own values