Definition
We feel jealous when we suspect a relationship (or even a part of it) is threatened by someone.
>> Why We Have This Emotion
Jealousy motivates us to protect our status and relationships. It cues us to be vigilant, seek reassurances, and take corrective actions to prevent us from losing our position, our relationships, or our resources.
◈ How It Shows Up
“don't take what’s mine”Guarded eyes, probingChecks, monitors, clingsThreat scans nonstopDemands reassurance
◎ What to do in the moment
Good Ideas
- Identify the specific threat you feel
- Check evidence vs. assumptions
- Ask if your expectations are fair
- Share your feelings calmly
- State a clear need/boundary
- Clarify relationship agreements
- Consider therapy if it’s recurring
Bad Ideas
- Snoop, accuse, or isolate others
- Make comparisons and ultimatums
- Flirt or cheat to try to “get even”
- Test them to “prove” their loyalty
- Treat jealousy itself as proof of guilt
- Forbid normal friendship with others
- Make threats to control behavior