Definition
We feel offended when someone has acted in a way that goes against our moral values.
>> Why We Have This Emotion
Feeling offended is an alarm that our boundaries have been crossed. It spikes our moral anger, signaling something is not okay. It motivates us to protest, demand an apology, or get some distance.
◈ How It Shows Up
“I'm not okay with that”Sharp tone, curt repliesDefensive posture, pulling backTaking things personallyDemand for apology or correction
◎ What to do in the moment
Good Ideas
- Name the trigger in one line
- Wait 12–24 hours before responding
- Clarify their intent vs. their impact
- Identify what it is you want repaired
- Set a clean boundary or alternative
- Respond 1:1 rather than in public
- Let minor things go after cooling off
Bad Ideas
- Shame them publicly
- Ignore your own boundaries
- Keep score of each grievance
- Recruit allies to dogpile on the issue
- Ruminate on the comment for hours
- Respond immediately with no plan
- Assume you know their intent