Definition
We feel vicarious emotions when we feel some portion of what another person is experiencing.
>> Why We Have This Emotion
Vicarious feelings let us “simulate” what others are going through. We can share each others’ wins, learn from their missteps, and strengthen our relationships as we help each other in times of need.
◈ How It Shows Up
“I feel like it’s happening to me”Mirroring others’ actions and wordsAbsorbing others’ moodsStrong protective/comforting impulsesUsing “we” for their situation
◎ What to do in the moment
Good Ideas
- Name whose feeling it really is
- Time-box empathy to 15–30 minutes
- Choose one concrete, bounded help
- Take care of yourself, too
- Limit social media checks
- don't take credit for their work
- Reminder: you can't suffer FOR them
Bad Ideas
- Take others’ pain on 24/7
- Try to fix everything for someone
- Violate confidences to vent
- Ignore yourself: “they have it worse”
- Over-identify: “I must suffer too”
- Drugs to numb secondhand distress
- Avoid all contact or empathy